`does the moon hear my cries?*

Saturday, July 23, 2011
Attachments to the past are currently present

Lately I've been thinking about the past...A lot...Don't get me wrong though,its not cos I want to turn back time or anything...Without my past,I would be nowhere near the person I am now,so for that alone I am grateful for all the good and bad that make it up...

I am however hooked in the past because I did not get the answers I sought... Not that the answers should matter 6 years after everything has been concluded...Its just that sometimes not knowing is a curse...

And then there are also the never-ending what ifs that we keep asking ourselves... Even if we are currently satisfied with where we are and have 0 regrets,it does not stop the mind from trying to figure out the 'possible endings'... And once again I stressed that I am merely just thinking of the possibilities,I would never travel back in time to do and undo things,even if such means are made available to me at this point of time...

Memories...Clusters of thoughts that we have memorized in our minds...Such a befitting name...

[ burning out ]
at 7/23/2011 03:07:00 AM

Thursday, June 02, 2011
Wake up your idea Rayzor!!!!

You still don't get it do you Rayzor??Hahaha...Its pretty simple dumbass!!They just don't need you anymore!!You've served your purpose so go on with your fucking life!!What the hell are you still hanging around for??Are you that dumb??Don't be a pitiful moron waiting around and all will ya??Oh wait,I forgot that YOU ARE the pitiful,sorry,worst piece of shit that ever existed in this life!

You know,you should probably kill yourself...You're useless,worthless and everything else man!!You should get rid of your sorry ass man!I don't even know why I'm wasting my time with you you stupid fuck...I can't believe I have to be stuck with the likes of YOU!

Go and wallow in self pity like the DOG that you are man...People don't give a shit!!

The worst thing is,I can't believe I let you have total control...If I was in control, none of this would happen!!So much for your caring and being nice and blah blah blah!!!!All I hear is your USELESS TRAP making noises!!

Rayzor Rayzor...How the 'mighty' have fallen...You've wasted my time in trying to harden you up and everything cos at the end of the day,you still want to be 'the good guy' and all that crap!!!I am ashamed to say that I was a part of you!
Fuck you man,fuck you...

Your worst,
Ray Devil

PS:I promise you that if you don't die soon enough,I'll kill your sorry ass myself

[ burning out ]
at 6/02/2011 12:39:00 AM

Wednesday, June 01, 2011
Nothing escapes change

I searched and searched for the place where we sat last time,talking about random stuffs and looking at the stars...It took a while,but when I reached,it seemed to me that even that place has changed...Just like how we are now... Nothing escapes change...

I was wheeling my bicycle,you were walking with your phone in your hand... We were just walking and talking and then we decided to stop at a nearby bench... Now its just me and my bicycle...Even then,its not the same bicycle as before...
Nothing escapes change...

I went to the exact spot where the bench was supposed to be,where I sat on the left while you sat on the right...We just got to know each other then and I remembered I told you about the Orion's belt and the north star...They were shining so bright then,and they still shine bright in my mind,so deeply etched in my memories...But when I looked up in the night sky this time,no stars were shining...None at all...
Nothing escapes change...

When we thought it was a bit too late,we walked back to your place,me with my bicycle,you with your phone...This time when I left the place,I was cycling away...
Nothing escapes change...

We never knew what was in store for us...Never knew that certain 'scribblings' would trigger our getting to know each other...Never knew that certain 'incidents' would make us strangers again...Never knew that after that we would be closer than we thought was possible...And we never knew that a certain 'inquiry' would make us strangers all over again...
Nothing escapes change...

[ burning out ]
at 6/01/2011 03:02:00 AM

Sunday, May 08, 2011
Living Off The Grid

Seems to me that a lot of people have decided to take out their anger on me recently...I'm honestly fine with it,cos one day I know I have already decided that I'm gonna go on alone...I don't care if I have to be the outlet for any of you to vent your anger on...Let out all that negativity,don't keep it in...I'll even allow you to hit me if you must...

I'll even try to intensify the anger if possible,though maybe not so soon...If I'm supposed to leave everything and everyone behind,I'll feel much better if I leave amidst hatred and resentment,cos at least I'm unwanted...

Haha...I'll do anything to make you guys hate me,but not in an obvious manner... Without you knowing it,I will make you guys hate me,one way or another,then I will take my leave...

[ burning out ]
at 5/08/2011 02:41:00 PM

Thursday, March 10, 2011
The breaking mask

This mask that I willingly chose to wear
Like a wall that keeps everything in
Or maybe a one way glass
Or even a one way street

Its not as perfect as it seems
Or as strong as it should be
Cracks have started to appear
And reveal the secrets within

The darkness should all be kept inside
Somewhere deep and out of reach
But on the surface there will be
The happiness of a morning glory

I'll make sure that it seems genuine
This side that I will choose to show
Cos no one should ever be exposed
To my endless pain and sorrow

So I'll strenghten this mask with all I have
For this is how it should be
People will no longer see me as
The guy suffering from misery

~Hereby this is the promise I will make...For too long have I been wasting other people's precious time with my negativity...~

[ burning out ]
at 3/10/2011 12:03:00 AM

Wednesday, March 09, 2011
My carved mask

This mask that I now set on my face will be the only one I need...What you see will not be what you get,but that will be the way...No one should be allowed to see your dark side Rayzor Timber...Heed this warning or you will be lost forever...

[ burning out ]
at 3/09/2011 02:59:00 AM

Friday, March 04, 2011
Fear

To fear naught but fear itself
That used to be my bane
But now that is no longer
For I am afraid,very afraid

The wind bids me to go on
But no counsel does it give
No longer does comfort exist
And I am afraid,very afraid

The years I have passed and gone through
And lessons upon lessons I have learnt
And even though I am now renewed
Still I am afraid,very afraid

The path I took now seems perilous
Filled with obstacles that were never there
And now it seems like the wrong turn taken
For I am afraid,very afraid

[ burning out ]
at 3/04/2011 03:32:00 PM

In light of recent events

It is known from where or whence you came from,but there you are...You are the cause of all this,yet I cannot begrudge you for you are meant for greater things... Its as if you appeared unlooked for and unexpected to challenge me...Yet again, such is not my way that I will completely ignore you...For in doing so I will be sending myself to the gallows...By ignoring you I will be ignoring myself...For you and I are one...

~Let us hope that these barriers will be enough to hold it all inside as much as it is supposed to keep everything out...With the coming of another day the barrier comes much,much closer to disintegrating...Let's just hope these barriers will hold this tremendous force just for as long as absolutely necessary...~

[ burning out ]
at 3/04/2011 02:01:00 PM

Thursday, March 03, 2011
Choices

This is the time Rayzor Timber...The choice lies before you now,and its up to you to make a decision whatever the consequences may be...If you choose to stay,then avoidance is the important step...If you choose to go on,make sure your conscience is clear...There is no in between,only this or that here...Make your move...

~Even the wind will not be able to help you this time Rayzor...That much you already know...~

[ burning out ]
at 3/03/2011 04:19:00 PM

Tuesday, March 01, 2011
Life

~You taught me what life really meant
You taught me what was real
You showed me how hard I could fall
And how to strengthen my will

My past was painful thanks to you
But more painful was the promise
You had me make when you let me know
Your lies and all your follies

I hated you with and all your guts
I honestly wanted you dead
But after seeing you lying down
I was actually not prepared

To hear that your life was at the brink
To know recovery was so slim
To learn that anytime you could go
Without so much as a blink

I told you when I was there that day
You've slept enough its time to rise
But I guess you chose to carry on sleeping
And carry on with your demise

I never knew I'd say this now
But I'll say it nonetheless
You participated well in my memories
Of which some I consider best

All I can say to you now
Is go forth without regrets
You will be honoured for who you were
Before you lied down in that bed

What's past is past its all forgiven
Let this be a reminder
That Mohammed Afiq is the man
Who fought till he had to surrender~

~Rest in peace my friend...We had issues in the past but that is gone now...I forgive you for any mistakes you've done and I hope you've done the same...Life was cut short for you but I will honestly say you've done well in living it...You will not be remembered but you will be honoured...For even as distant as we are now,you were once my friend,my brother...~

[ burning out ]
at 3/01/2011 06:25:00 AM